The Hurricane

*If you are new or haven't kept up with my blog please go back and start with the post titled "Seasons". These posts are better read in order so that you get the full picture.

About a month ago I received a vision from God of a hurricane. He told me that there was a hurricane swirling all around me but I was in the eye of the storm. It was an awesome vision as He told me that He was fighting the storm that was swirling around me and keeping me protected. I held to that vision not questioning anything more until now. If you know about hurricanes then you know there are several phases to them. The first is the initial storm. It hits, brings devastation and then there is quiet-the eye. At the time that I received the vision I knew that I was in the eye of the storm. I just didn’t realize that the storm wasn’t over. The tail-end of the storm hit about 2 weeks ago. It was tough and even more devastating than before. As I have written, I have been struggling with a lot of fear and anxiety. Fear that at times paralyzes me. Yes, there were several days where I couldn’t even get out of bed! I always thought that I could handle anything thrown at me but I was wrong. Anything that I have ever feared was intensified. Gripping. Chilling. Paralyzing. Mind-blowing fear! As this second wave came through I began to realize what the hurricane vision meant. It wasn’t over. It got so bad that I even feared being alone. I spent a week going from friend’s home to friend’s home, being prayed over and just cared for. Jon and I are so thankful for all my friends who stepped up to the plate and stood in the gap (and continue to stand in the gap) in the midst of the storm. I feel that things are dying down as far as the storm but now is the time for picking up the pieces and rebuilding. I have been talking to doctors about why this happened and what is going on. No true answers yet which is hard for me because I want to know why and now! I know that I must be patient. It’s hard. There are times when I’d rather say medicate me, numb these fears and let’s just move on. However, that wouldn’t give God the glory. And ultimately, that is my heart’s desire.

This has been such an incredible season in my life as well as my family’s. Gut-wrenching at times. I know what the end result will be as God has even told me what He has in store for me. I believe that He doesn’t just give us a season of brokenness and leave it at that. This season is to bring healing to me as well as to other women. I believe that we women think that we can do it all and not let anyone know that we really can’t. We like to let people (mainly our girlfriends) know that we have it all together only to fall apart behind closed doors. Many women don’t ever lean on their friends for fear of what they would think of them. That my friends is the enemy. If we don’t share or don’t lean on other people then he has us right where he wants us. I was so desperate that I wanted to share with my friends what I was going through and as I did I began to hear similar stories of how women have struggled with fear, depression and many other issues that we tend to hide. What a blessing! I know it’s going to be a long road.

If you know me then you know that music is my passion. It ministers to my soul in ways that I cannot explain. When the first part of the storm came a friend shared a song with me that I have truly grown to love. It is titled “Desert Song” by Hillsong United. I believe that we have been in the desert in one time or another in our lives or known someone who has. I have that song on my playlist (below) and if you haven’t heard it I urge you to. It is a song that I am claiming during this season in my life. I love the line that says, “I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ/ So firm on His promise I’ll stand”. I am a conqueror!